Okay, I'm venting because I just had to.
When you stop and take the time to hold open a door for someone, you're taking the time to be courteous and polite, right? Do you say anything when they don't acknowledge you or say thank you back? I've gotten into the habit that when I'm ignored now, I tell the rude person in a very loud voice, "You're Welcome!" And every time, they turn and look at me like I've grown another frigen head. I find this more so in the younger generation, but lately, I've noticed there's no age limit. Store clerks, bank tellers...it's a whole array of different people, young and old. My Dad was quick to give me a good cuff across the head when I didn't use my manners. A little extreme, yes, but I never forgot to use them either. I'm not condoning smacking manners in children, but hell, this is ridiculous.
My daughter, who is twenty-five, manages a retail store, and she's the first to say, "Oh, my God! I can't believe how rude some people are." The majority of the younger generation has no idea what "please", "thank you" or even "you're welcome" means. And yes, I place most of the blame on parents. My mother-in-law used to give me hell whenever I enforced manners on my daughter and say, "Oh, you're being too hard on her." Well, hellooo? That's how they learn. I kinda understand my Dad's reasoning now. I was never embarrassed to bring her to a social gathering. She knew her manners, including how to eat at a table. I've been in restaurants watching some people eat, and I've had to leave because I'm gagging. I'm not an uptight, prude, not by any means, but it just seems that people have forgotten how to be courteous and use manners--I believe it's called RESPECT.
Thank you for reading. *snickers*
10 comments:
children learn by example, if you are polite aorund them and to them, that helps - kids copy what adults do. If my son does not ask nicely, I question what he has demanded, and usually now he corrects himself.
Hi Dawne' I know exactly what you mean! I am constantly telling Austin Thank you or You're welcome when he brings something to me. In hopes that he will learn. I was just thinking the same thing the other day..which is why this is so wierd! I was sitting at a stop sign and there was a car that wanted to make a right well, I could have went b/c of a couple oncoming cars but I waited that few extra seconds to let them go and waved and mouthed "go ahead" well they did with no wave or any kind of acknowledgement! Things like that tick me off, b/c I always wave back or mouth "thank you"! Sheesh that is crazy stuff! But you're so right!
Who do you blame, the parents, society? Normally I'd say the parents, it's ultimately their responsibility to teach their children. But in today's world of every parent working two jobs just to keep food on the table, the parents have to depend on teachers, neighbors, and whoever else their kids run across during the day. Since we have outlawed discipline in schools, we can't depend on teachers (our fault). Since we are eager to teach children that if an adult raises their voice to them, the child can have the adult thrown in jail (again our fault)... who do we really blame for the fact that our children are becoming adults with no manners, courtesy or respect? It would be interesting to see the world 100 years from now... I wonder when we will come to our senses and bring back natural discipline (not beatings, but true discipline that every one of our generation received). It will have to happen at some point or we descend into anarchy... it's a round robin and history continually repeats itself since man has a hard time learning from his mistakes. In another 200 years, we'll be right back to no manners, no respect... here we go round the mulberry bush!
I don't have children, but I have seen what you mean. My best friend has instilled manners in her children. They call adults Ma'am or Sir, not Hey You. They say please and thank you, excuse me, etc. When they see other children misbehaving, my friend (and I if they were with me at the time) reinforce positive praise upon them. We tell them that we're glad they were acting properly even when others weren't. I think it had made a difference.
BTW: Two of her children are autistic and even with their communication difficulties, they're usually more polite than a lot of "normal" kids I've seen.
I think part of the problem is how fast the world moves today. Once upon a time, a handshake and a smile was all that was needed to seal a deal. Now you have to fill out forms in triplicate, file them here, etc. People expect more for less. More service for less money. They get mad because the fast food worker doesn't take their order enthusiastically, but forget that this particular worker is probably earning close to minimum wage (try to live on that, hah!), and also, what do you really expect for a $4.27 purchase? How much propriety does $4.27 buy?
On the flip side, service employees are generally treated like lesser people. So many people have become pretentious and think that they are better than others. Does your sports car make you a better person than the owner of the used Honda? Does your college degree make you a more valuable person than the high-school drop out? In the work force perhaps, but the inequality should end there. Unfortunately it does not. Like it or not, it is similar to a caste system and until we can change the "I'm better than you" attitude (good luck with that. I am not holding my breath) then we will still continue to encounter rudeness and intolerance.
Carpe Noctem,
Des
I see what you're talking about all the time. And you're right not just the younger generation either. I've found that most people have no clue how to say excuse me or pardon me. Or they way it and think that gives them the right to just barge on by.
I agree with you on the fact that with children, the parents can be to blame. Though there are other influences on children these days that are unavoidable,I feel it is still ultimately the parents that instill these virtues in their children.
My boys were always complemented in resturaunts for the great behavior especially when they were very small. I never let them mess with things on the table, scream or throw temper tantrums in a public place. They were removed and we either sat in the vehicle while others enjoyed their meal or shopping or we went home. Oh yes, and others may disagree but they go swatted on the butt if they acted up.
I try to be courteous and like you, will say: "You're Welcome" or you could say excuse me!
Since hubbie and I own a restaurant, I know what you mean. Common courtesy, just being polite and nice doesn't seem to be a prioroty these days. It's something we try to ingrain in our employees and believe me, they need training on it. I've lost count how many times I've gone to a McDonald's and not even received a smile from the clerk. It's weird. Don't employees know that their job is directly affected by whether a customer returns or heads on down the street to the Mom and Pop restaurant where people smile and say thank you?
As for my kids, ugh. It's a constant vigil to keep them polite. Manners and empathy for others is most certainly a learned trait, and one I insist on teaching.
I think the problem today is that people are so darn busy and so stuck in their own timeline that they forget everyone around them is human too.
So smile and be nice. It's free.
*hugs*
Anastasia Rabiyah
http://RabiyahBooks.com
I come at this one from all sides. I'm a parent with three kids (two of them autistic...I notice that someone mentioned that one). From that POV, it is my JOB (the one I agreed to when I had them) to teach them right from wrong, a work ethic and how to live in society and be an asset rather than a drain. That doesn't mean I raise automatons. Far from! But, my kids are taught manners, have consequences to their actions...and the punishments fit the crime.
I'm also a teacher. It's much worse than anyone has said so far. It's not just that teachers don't have time to instill manners and don't have leave to punish the way they used to.
It is nearly impossible to instill manners in a child who doesn't have parents working WITH you to instill them. Kids will flat out say, "You can't, because my parents said..." This is one thing I can definitely fault parents for. Teachers LIVE to work with you. If you get the lines of communication open and flowing, they WILL tell you what you need to address at home.
But, you have to be willing to do it. I have had behavior mod systems for my kids, since age 3 or so. The teachers know (or do shortly after meeting me) how to get in touch with me and what type of response I will have. Teachers that have had one child will look at the second and say, "That's okay. I'll call Mom." That's a 180 moment for all of my kids, no matter how old.
I come at this from the place of a former (just above) minimum wage worker (while I was in college), and somewhere near the end of my shift, after putting up with drunks, theives and abusive people, I wouldn't have smiles left. Because of that, I ALWAYS assume that the clerk is tired and dispirited. I always attempt to have a smile for them, to stack my order to make bagging easy, to avoid making them lift something that can be avoided (like multiples of milk or some other non-bagged item), and I always tell THEM to have a good day.
I am currently living in the pit of human unkindness. That would be New England...especially CT and MA. People who have lived here their whole lives admit that people are brought up rude. It's not that no one tried to teach them manners; they just don't care whether they use them or not. This from a lifelong resident of the place! Still, my children are considered nearly unerringly polite and well-spoken. Can't imagine why, with parents like my husband and I, can you?
Brenna
Dawne,
I agree with everything you said with the exception of one thing. I never say, "You're welcome" to the ingrates who I hold the door open for, the folks I let in front of me while I'm waiting to get onto the ramp of I-95,etc. I'm as polite regardless of someone else's bad manners, because one of the things I've learned is that class is class no matter what one's level of income. I've met people who were impoverished and had more class than the spoiled rich brats I've seen walking in the mall.
I just look at the jerks who don't say thank or aren't polite as just having no class at all, but I refuse to let them drag me down to their level in any shape or form.
As for who to blame, I hold parents completely responsible. You had them, you teach them. I've got two girls and they tow the line. Even when the DH was working two jobs, and I've been working day job and write full-time for three years now. At no time are my kids allowed to slack up. They know they'll catch hell from us if they don't act right and fly straight.
Excellent post. Oh, and what's with the Blogger deal saying your blog has unacceptable content? You blog about manners and they're censoring you??? LOL
Monica
Wow, these comments are just fabulous. Oh, the "content" warning is in place for the erotica aspect of my blog. I can't be too careful.
As for class, well, that's the reason why I say "You're Welcome". I know that some people are lost in their thoughts, and they don't realize they've just been rude, and I sure do get a hasty "thank you" back, but very rare. It's my way of telling them they have no class, because they obviously don't know.
I could not even dream of being a teacher nowadays. Some of the teenagers out there absolutely scare the bejesus outta me. AND they're the ones who will be taking care of us when we're old and decrepit. Makes me want to run to a field and shoot myself now. Teachers have no control over their students -- they can stand up in class an tell anyone "fuck you". So, they get a week's suspension, and then the parents call in screaming like banshees that the teacher is too hard on my son/daughter and doesn't like him/her AND believe the lies their child tells them. Hell, in my day, the teacher was always right, never me. I have family and friends who are teachers, and I wouldn't trade places with them for a million dollars. I barely survived my own daughter's teenage years. I KNOW I can't handle more than that. Even if a child faints or has a seizure in class, teachers are not allowed to touch them, yet the kids today can brush against your boob to cop a free feel and they have that right. (Yes, this has been done to me). It saddens and sickens me, and I can see I'm not the only one.
Big thank you's to everyone for your comments. I read them and smiled, nodded and laughed, but better than that, I know I'm not alone. Thank you so much! : )
I remember my husbands grandmother telling me that my children were the only ones that wrote that wrote thank you cards for gifts recieced. I told her if someone was nice enough to send them a gift the least they could do was acknowledge it!! That is just good manners!!
Teresa
Post a Comment